On manners
Dear blog,
I've been thinking about it, and the proper response to "thank you" is "you're welcome". Saying, "forget about it" or, worse, "don't mention it" seems like the modest thing to do, but it really sends the wrong message. For instance, if I keep doing nice things for somebody, but every time he tries to thank me I say, "don't mention it", then eventually he might actually take me at my word and NOT mention it. And no matter how hard you try not to let it bother you, if you do something nice for someone else and they do not acknowledge it, you are going to be a bit resentful. Saying "you're welcome" not only indicates to the person that your services are at their disposal (think for a bit about the literal meaning of the words "you're welcome"), but it also says to the thanker that you are acknowledging their good manners and responding in kind, as opposed to "don't mention it", which is basically saying, "I refuse to acknowledge your manners, and in fact request that you do not use them here." Which may in fact be the message you are trying to convey: a lot of people believe that giving other people permission to be rude to them automatically gives them the permission to be rude back. Which brings me to my next point...
I hate it when I go over someone's house, knock on the door, and when they answer it they say to me, "oh don't bother knocking, you can just come right on in." I don't fuckin' think so. When I go over someone's house, I am going to announce that I am here, and at the same time ask permission to enter. I do that because I respect them, their privacy, and their space. And I damn sure expect, when they come to my door, that they show me, my privacy, and my space the same respect. That is how civilized human beings interact.
In a note somewhat related to the first point - the proper way to receive a compliment is to say "thank you". Again, the desire to sound modest makes a lot of us think that the proper way to respond to a compliment is to downplay it, but the fact is that sends the message that we think that the compliment we just receieved isn't genuine. By doing that one is, in fact, calling their complimentor a liar. So, just say, "thank you". And when you say it, the complimentor damn well better say, "you're welcome".
I've been thinking about it, and the proper response to "thank you" is "you're welcome". Saying, "forget about it" or, worse, "don't mention it" seems like the modest thing to do, but it really sends the wrong message. For instance, if I keep doing nice things for somebody, but every time he tries to thank me I say, "don't mention it", then eventually he might actually take me at my word and NOT mention it. And no matter how hard you try not to let it bother you, if you do something nice for someone else and they do not acknowledge it, you are going to be a bit resentful. Saying "you're welcome" not only indicates to the person that your services are at their disposal (think for a bit about the literal meaning of the words "you're welcome"), but it also says to the thanker that you are acknowledging their good manners and responding in kind, as opposed to "don't mention it", which is basically saying, "I refuse to acknowledge your manners, and in fact request that you do not use them here." Which may in fact be the message you are trying to convey: a lot of people believe that giving other people permission to be rude to them automatically gives them the permission to be rude back. Which brings me to my next point...
I hate it when I go over someone's house, knock on the door, and when they answer it they say to me, "oh don't bother knocking, you can just come right on in." I don't fuckin' think so. When I go over someone's house, I am going to announce that I am here, and at the same time ask permission to enter. I do that because I respect them, their privacy, and their space. And I damn sure expect, when they come to my door, that they show me, my privacy, and my space the same respect. That is how civilized human beings interact.
In a note somewhat related to the first point - the proper way to receive a compliment is to say "thank you". Again, the desire to sound modest makes a lot of us think that the proper way to respond to a compliment is to downplay it, but the fact is that sends the message that we think that the compliment we just receieved isn't genuine. By doing that one is, in fact, calling their complimentor a liar. So, just say, "thank you". And when you say it, the complimentor damn well better say, "you're welcome".
posted by k - L - g | 5:07 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home